Here’s several things i learn these days:
1. You cant please everybody. you cant drain yourself just to make others happy. Your happiness matter. Your feelings matter, u don’t have to swallow them only to entertain or make people satisfied. Now, it feels like i am okay to be hated by anyone as long as I did not do the wrong deeds or hurt them by purpose.
Ok, well, even if we try our best to avoid hurting people, we will still couldn’t do that. I am sorry but I never mean to hurt anyone.
2. Id love to say a lot of NO. I am saving my energy since i live far from home–place where i can charge my mental energy, home is where you’re being loved even if you look like trash, even if you lose, even if you broke, they will still love you and be there to support you.
3. Its okay not to be matter in someone’s life. Before this year, it hurt me a bit if my friend ‘forget’ me and didn’t make time to see me, or include me in their event etc. Now, it okay as long as you didn’t matter to me too. I mean, I can put someone ‘special’ into ‘not important’. Hurt me.
4. Feel all of your feelings. Crying is not as bad as people say. Understand every inch of your heart. Are they angry? sad? empty? And that’s all totally fine to feel those ‘ugly’ feeling.
Let me sum up:
I am not a kind person that spread kindness to all people in my life when inside i feel stuck and empty. Sorry, I’ll make myself better first. I will not make everyone happy, I have my limits too. I wont be depressed, my mental health matter–no one will save me except me (and God for sure). And, its fine not to make all your surroundings as your priority.
me–this is the end of my quarter life crisis since i am 26 years old now 🙁