29/09/20

Kemaren sore ga sengaja nonton ini, setelah diinget-inget, ternyata pernah juga nonton ted talk nya yang sama-sama membahas tentang vulnerability, disini dan disini. Kalo nyeritain semua ga mungkin karena kalo dari tulisan akan membosankan, tapi hanya mau nulis satu hal yang ngena banget.

Forbidding joy.

I just realized that “forbidding joy” is such a character of mine. Why do we tend to stay away from the joy and things that make us happy? Because deep down, we know that it will lead to disaster someday. It will break you and it will fail. The force to forbid the failure and vulnerability is much bigger than your willingness to gain success, isn’t it?

This is also me.

When something seems too good, when there is something I like and will make me joy, I’ll predict the future and made the worst scenario in my head: Nope, this won’t be ending well. I am going to hurt if I continue this. It’ll break my heart. It’ll fly me to the sky but I believe someday it will punch me and let me fall so fast then break me or kill me. I know it will be hurt someday and I should avoid it from now. That was what I always think.

For instance, I don’t want to pet a cat since I know it will die one day and I can’t bear with that. See? On the other side, I also know that if I have a cat, I won’t be lonely and I’ll be very happy. But that’s not my concern– I concern about how is it if I left by the cat? It’ll break me. And I don’t want it. So I never pet a cat anymore.

Another example, if there is a chance for you to have a speech in a big event, let’s say, ted talk. Will you take it? Me, personally, I won’t. I am afraid I’ll blabbering, awkward, and what if my talk is not important? what if people hate to hear my speech? what if people wouldn’t understand a single word I say? I’ll reject it. I do not look at another possibility; what if I can change the world by one speech? what if –yes this may be a failure– but this could be my little step towards the biggest one someday? what if I’ll learn a lot by doing this? I do not focus on that.

The speech from Brene suggests us to do the contrary. If you want to be loved, if you want to succeed, if you want to grow, LET the vulnerability, hear broken, failure, and fall come to you. Choose to be brave and take the failures instead of sitting in your comfort zone and never stepping into anything. You don’t know if you don’t try.

And, one thing to note, don’t take everything personally and it’s okay to be hurt and fail. Strengthen your heart. So you’ll move and grow. Succeed, love, joy, never apart from vulnerability. It is like two sides of a coin. If you choose to forbid yourself from vulnerability and give your focus more on avoiding failure, then you’ll never grow up.

You’ll be forever sitting in your comfort zone. Yes, you’ll never have your heartbroken, but also you’ll never be happy too.

I remember one song that said: I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us.

Fears, love, chances, vulnerability, succeed, risk, failure, shame, it is all one package.

ps. maap kameranya burem